The Impossible Thing : The Return.

Who remembers The Impossible Thing? Well, its back.

Recently, someone in my acquaintance has had some kind of weight loss surgery & I witnessed them not taking it at all seriously. Based on something I heard a couple of days later, there may have been consequences. Wish I could tell you more but I can’t.

I would never, could never, do anything like that. It’s just awful, the very idea. I will say no more other than …

… this got me thinking.

Despite knowing getting to a normal weight was impossible (hence the famous hashtag), I never thought I wouldn’t be able to keep off what I lost.

This was seven stone. Or maybe five. Different scales & a touch of body dysmorphia, mean I was never quite sure. My Mum agrees I’ve put some of it back but not all of it. She is in a situation where she’s having to add nutritional shakes to her diet to make sure her weight doesn’t go below ten stone, the weight she was in school. My best friend doesn’t think I’ve put any on, bless her. My clothes are less confused and recent purchases show I’ve put on but I’m not back where I was.

What I did know back in 2015-19 was that I had my fitness regime and my eating was under control at least some of the time. I was confident that I would carry on exercising & doing my best with my eating (without surgery you can have days off!!) forever.

What I didn’t know was the catastrophic events on the horizon. Thank goodness we don’t know what’s to come in life.

So …

I want to have more regular mealtimes. Days at home are often about grazing where you lose track of how much you’ve eaten. And my travels back & forth to Coventry mean crisps. Well, everything means crisps. But train crisps are always more crisps. Then, while with my parents its very regular meal times but not enough food as I run around after them. Then, once back at Cov station for my return journey there’s an M&S & a WH Smiths packed full of … CRISPS.

I haven’t got my exercise regime back but my ‘active retirement’ includes two Zumba classes, cycling to get there, walking & swimming in the sea, or a pool, when the opportunity (and the tide) arises. Some days I do my 8k steps, other days I don’t. The very good waterproof fleece-lined winter coat I bought at the end of last year tells me walks can & will happen whatever the weather.

Put it this way, I walked to work in all weathers & in darkness in winter to feed the children, support my colleagues & earn my wages so doing it for my health & (I admit) my appearance, should be a no-brainer. With more time in my day, I like to walk or cycle places like shops or to do errands, which is great cos with not getting up early for work I have the energy & I don’t need to rush.

When I’d lost weight and was fit from all the exercise, I had such confidence. As I’ve said before, I felt like I was in control of something I never was before. I carried around my little nugget of hope. I took my place cycling on the prom & my lane in the pool. Recently I feel like I have gone back to many of my old ways of thinking & acting. That overwhelming urge to get out of other (more important) people’s way.

This is so not about weight. If only I could tell more about this weight loss surgery person. They would never think like me.

The feeling of being in the way has been exacerbated by social distancing of course, which I know I will carry on doing (sometimes it helps you get more steps in) But flinging yourself & your bike into a hedge to get out of the way of another cyclist who isn’t necessarily going much faster than you is an over-reaction. So is the endless apologising. And the trains are back to being busy, which makes all the journey’s harder. Arriving at my booked seat, blocking the aisle with myself & my luggage, finding someone sitting in it & trying to go back the way I came but there’s other people behind me. And doing it all in a facemask too. Nightmare. No, I have never dared say ‘That is my seat’. Pathetic. And to think just over a year ago I had the quiet coach to myself. Bliss.

Yeah, I have to be as fit & as happy as possible to tackle all the stuff to come with my parents. I’m very close to having all the power of attorneys in place and hopefully full access to all my parents’ finances, etc. Then I can begin to really make progress. I don’t know how much longer they can struggle on together in the house. I need to be as healthy, organised & together as I possibly can be for this.

To quote/paraphrase a far more prolific blogger than me … onwards and upwards, but not outwards.